Revising Poems

I am going to attach 9 rough draft poems that need to be revised, look for things like more detail and description to add to the poems as well as structure and if a line in the poem doesn’t make sense look to change it for words that could help make it make more sense. You should return with 9 documents plus one new strong poem. So 9 documents with the revised draft and the rough draft and then a tenth document that has one new poem on it that is strong. I am going to copy and paste the poems below and you have to put each one in a separate word document and have the rough and revised draft for each one plus a tenth document that shows a new strong poem based on everything you have learned.

Here are the 9 rough drafts:

1) This poem needed to use the words – arrest, bow, cloud, dust, excuse, floss, grate, hurry, arrest, bow, cloud, dust, excuse, floss, grate, sin, hurry, itch, knot, license, mate, notch, push, quiz, rock, thunder, use, voice, wreck, yield (please bold the words in the revision)

Like shooting a bow into my heart

Arrest of the colored folk

Our world is falling apart

Clouded by fear, bloody streets soak

The excuse of sin makes my mind ache

I rock my kid back and forth to sleep

Feelings of being trapped in a thunderous lake

Life today feels like a hurry for I weep

I pray our lives change for the better

There is not much else I desire

Even if the clouds are gray and I hate the weather

I will never stop, it will always come down to the wire

As long as my eyes wake the next day

I will fight, that is all I have to say

2) Elegy where I could not use the letter E

Grandma?s Soup

I miss you

Pain absorbs my mind

Falls to all parts of my body

Thinking back to a day

A day full of joy

No distractions

Just a day with my grandma

My childhood

Curious about your past

I wish I could know all

I wish I could lock all flashbacks into a vault

Lock it again


Until only I can know it

3) Ode to Depression



You are a parasite

I never thought I would recognize you in this light

Or in any light rather

But nevertheless

No matter how much I hate you

No matter how many nights you have kept me up

No matter how much of my time you have wasted

You are a part of me

You helped me grow from boy to man

From younger to older

Seed to flower

The feelings that rushed to my chest

I confused them with fear

When in reality

They were just feelings

Feelings are okay

I am okay

So, pack your bags

And goodbye.

4) The Mind of Poseidon

Oceans, oceans…

Oceans, oceans…

There is a boy who I see

One with my ways, one with everything

The ability to uncover what I have started

So wrongfully so

My brothers turn their swords against you

Dearest Percy

Prove them wrong

Show them why you are my son

The abilities we share

My voice washes in your mind


Oceans, oceans…

Oceans, oceans…

Find my message in a bottle.

5) Snakes

Basking in a large swimming pool

I take a deep breath and go underwater

I open my eyes without goggles, because I thought I had superpowers

I swim and swim

I keep swimming

I pick my head up and take in a gulp of air

I turn all around me

The pool is full of snakes

I swim for my life, faster than I ever have before

I climb out and grab a towel

Only to discover that towel was a snake too

What is the meaning of this

I wake up panting in my bed

Just five years old

Tucked into a racecar bed

Dreaming about things that I never that could feel so real

6) Mashup

I chose to mashup some Shakspeare into my poem

There is a magnificent passion to love

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

When you love someone, it does not matter what they did before

It does not matter what they say or do

You just want to give them the world

And you will stop at nothing

Until you feel like you have filled that void

So as long as men can breathe and as eyes can see

There will be a lover who is also a fighter

Love and war ironically go hand in hand

If you love someone

And I mean real love

You will stop at nothing

Until you are by their side holding their hand

Smiling, looking to the clouds

But when you look to the clouds you only see one thing


7) The leaves in spring bloom

So pretty as they fall down

I could just stay here

The light from the sun

Glimmers into my cheekbones

I am very thankful

The lord does not rest

Thank you for giving me life

It has not been proved

8) Time

When people need you most

That is when time dials in

That is when the earth rotates around the sun faster

That is when your heart is beating faster

When someone gives you that feeling of purpose

Day and night interchange

With a blink of an eye it is the end of the road

That is what it is like when you are with your favorite person

Life is short

There is only time to do the things that make you happy

The past is in the past

The present is where you must dedicate yourself

So the future can be bright

9) Dreams

Closing my eyes

I want to control it

I want to see what I never can

I cannot pinpoint what these dreams mean

But they all feel like very small, microscopic pieces to a puzzle

A puzzle worth solving

What do they mean

There is a reason why I remember certain dreams and easily forget others

I look forward to dreaming

It is like a second life

A second life that I think means more than it is credited for

I am thankful for dreaming

Even the nightmares

They all teach me something

I want to control my dreams

I want to live through them

That is my underlying desire

*****10 separate word documents, each containing the drafts I have here and the revised poem

10) This is a poem you write on your own that should be a good strong poem liked the other poems you revise

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